“Lonely, I’m Mr Lonely, I have nobody for my own,” rapper Akon famously crooned in the song that catapulted him into fame and stardom.
The vast multitude of social networking sites and mobile connectivity ‘where ever you go’, have definitely made the world a much smaller place. The reality, however, remains that the virtual world in no competition for that basic need - human touch. Though many of us are surrounded by friends, colleagues and associates at almost every waking hour of the day, how many among these people do we really trust? How many can we actually and freely talk to about the problems giving us sleepless nights or a really happy incident without the fear of either being ridiculed or the person getting jealous of our achievements?
Take the late model Viveka Babajee for example. She was easily among the popular and friendliest people in the modelling circuit. No one, even in their wildest dreams, thought that she was so lonely and craving for companionship, the lack of which may have also been one of the factors that instigated her to take the drastic step of committing suicide.
She isn’t the only one. Loneliness is the pet peeve of a number of professionals. Even our movie stars, who are often surrounded by a bevy of so called friends and well wishers are not spared. In a recent tabloid interview actress Katrina Kaif had said, “My sadness is only in the sense of being alone. In fact, the only thing that affects everybody is the sense of being alone.”
Says psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Dr Anjali Chhabria, “With the fast pace of life, friends may not necessarily be free when you are and vice versa. Also, there’s a certain amount of hesitation in disturbing other people.” According to her, career is also a factor. “As one goes up the ladder of success, there’s a certain amount of paranoia attached. So even if s/he is depressed there’s no one you can talk to for the fear of starting off gossip.
Call centre executive Simran Basu has been living alone in the city since the past five years. She says, “Everyone thinks that people call centres have rocking lives. However, once I’m home, from a hard day’s work, I have no one to talk to, discuss my day, celebrate a promotion or a pat on the back from the boss or crib about an irritating caller. Parents and sibling are just a phone call away, but it definitely doesn’t compare to them physically being there. Also, how much can you talk to a pet or a plant?”
Unfortunately, loneliness could also be the root cause of one’s ill health. According to a recent study by the University of Arizona, superficial relationships give birth to a feeling of detachment and consequently, poor health. The researchers say that people who are feeling lonely are prone to having fewer close connections, were less apt to manage daily stressors well, did not get adequate sleep and tended not to keep up on their health.
Explaining this aspect of loneliness, Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal, Clinical Psychologist and Counsellor says, “Some people fear attachment as they consider it to be a source of pain. Hence, as a self-protective mechanism, they detach themselves and go into a shell. However, after some time, they feel extremely uncomfortable in that space and less at ease. These feelings then begin to manifest themselves in the form of physical ailments.”
According to her, there also exists healthy detachment, one that is self chosen. “These are people who are happy with themselves and accept others the way they are,” she says adding that this healthy detachment, one that’s pain free,” says Dr Kanan.
So what’s the solution to beating loneliness blues? Says Dr Anjali, “People need to keep the child in them alive. Do things that you like to do without a care about what other people are thinking of you. Most importantly, if you feel you need professional help, do not hesitate to get it.”
Rachna Kothari, psychologist and relationship expert, says communicating and expressing oneself is important. “Many times, even if we have someone close to us, we still refrain from sharing. Opening up is the beginning,” she advices. Another good habit, she says, is to be in the loop with friends. “Initiate, make plans and stay connected. If you don’t have friends, make them. Join clubs, adventure trips, classes, etc. There you will end up meeting people of varied interests. Exercises like Yoga and Pranayama can help tranquil your mind as also can reading inspiring and motivating material,” she says.
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